The problems start almost immediately. It"s a real live tree, of course – you"re aware of the absurdity and decadent carbon footprint of plastic foliage – but as you stuff it into its festive pot, the soil just keeps floating back out again in little bits. Surrounded by a cloud of soil "asteroids", and trying not to get any up your nose, you turn to the watering can – surely this will help? As the liquid emerges, it mixes with the soil bits and you end up with a large, muddy blob. It floats off and attaches itself to the ceiling.